I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
