I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
