He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
