i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i love accidental penises.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
