Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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