Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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