Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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