At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she looked like the before picture.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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