so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
