I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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