She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I want to be your penis for a week.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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