Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Is Oprah even human
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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