dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
