before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
