she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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