I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
