you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
