I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
