Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
