i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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