I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
