Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I met the friendliest cop last night
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
