you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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