Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
