He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
