i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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