He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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