planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
