you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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