masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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