its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
