Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
