That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize