I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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