Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize