Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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