im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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