i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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