I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize