so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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