I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
