Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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