she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
