it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
