he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I intend to get homeless drunk
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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