I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
