I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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