someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
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