you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
