The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
