Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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