you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
