there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
