well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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