he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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