A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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