He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
