U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
