I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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