Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
