I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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