dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
