She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My life is pants optional.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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