You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
