I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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