She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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