Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so let's talk penis.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
