Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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