Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
