i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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