Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
