Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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