we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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