You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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