Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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