i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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