Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
