im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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