I'm so fucking centered right now
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
No subtext here. People are naked.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
