dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize