Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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