I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We got so high we made milksteak
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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