being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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