he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
