I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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