Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
