I need help removing her.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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