She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
