I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
