Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
