best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
