if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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