i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He passed out mid-signature
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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