Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
