What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
