dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
