So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
