If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
