I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
