Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Randomize
