How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
