so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
