Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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