I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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