i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize