so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize