i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
